On spiritual abuse & manipulation

[Note: this is a heavily edited version of a post I made on my tumblr in 2014. I wrote it then because I was worried by behaviour I saw online. I remain worried, and have extended and updated it in the hopes it may help someone.]

Story time: I spent several years in a psychologically and emotionally abusive relationship that involved a significant element of using religious and spiritual practices to manipulate me. In my time in fandom and polytheist/pagan/occult/witchcraft (PPOW) spaces, I have personally known at least one individual who turned out to be a legit cult leader and two more who were bordering on it. I believe this is a problem in PPOW communities, that it contributes to people leaving those communities, that young and new members need to be aware of this to keep themselves safe, and established members need to be aware to keep communities safe.

Consider this a PSA that these people are out there. There are people who will use spiritual beliefs and/or practices as a tool of manipulation and abuse against others. There are people who will undermine your sense of reality and your mental health for their own ends.

Under the read more are some red flags from my own experience.

NB: a red flag is not definitively saying this person is abusive, it is a potential warning sign to be aware of. This is not an exhaustive list.